Exhaustion and Bravery

"You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before, and that, my love, is bravery." ~ author unknown

My brain is still in a fog. Today I went out and did things, but my brain was scattered enough that, if I didn't stop to focus on what I was saying (and sometimes even if I did), I could lose my train of thought in the middle of a word.

This is a familiar place. I lived here for almost a year. Apparently I still visit every now and then. Not that I want to, but I do.

It's like those extended family members that you can't stand, but you still have to deal with them around holidays. You go to family functions because you like the rest of your family, and/or you don't want to offend anyone or be "that person", but you dread the entire event because they're going to be there and it's going to be terrible.

Continuing on in life, choosing to not kill oneself, is sometimes like having a dreaded family holiday except much more often. Sometimes daily. Sometimes as seldom as two or three times a year. It's exhausting, it wears your nerves down until you have no patience, and then, should you snap, you're "that person".

Approaching this actual holiday season, I'd like to encourage you to be patient. It can be a difficult and emotional time of year for a myriad of reasons. But if we put people first (ourselves, and the ones we care about, and humanity in general) and remember that people are not robots, and will have bad days and good days and days where they can't even tell if it's bad or good, then our expectations might lower to a more reasonable level.

My goal this year is to be mentally present for family get-togethers, both of my family and my partner's.

My secondary goal is to be helpful in such a way that it relieves stress from other people. Flexibility isn't always easy with OCD, but if I can remember that my goal is to be helpful and not to "save Christmas" then I think that's manageable.

My role in life tends to be that of a favourite blanket. Warm, genial, comfortable, and usually sleepy.

My advice to you is to find your role, play to your strengths, let others play to theirs, and remember to give yourself (and them) a break.