Avoidance and Other (Not) Useful Strategies

Dealing with mental illness requires help. I've done a program, am doing another, seen a few different counselors, am on medication, and check in regularly with my doctor. I'm using this blog both to express myself and to hopefully help other people to deal with their mental health in a constructive way. I've amassed a number of strategies, some of which I've already shared, some of which I'm sharing now, and some I will share eventually.

The program I'm in right now (Bounce Back) has me going through areas of my life and figuring out where the anxiety pops up (or depression, but we're focusing on anxiety) so that we can change behaviours and deal with problems, eventually hopefully building up the skills to get to the big issues.

In the program, I've learned that a few of my behaviours that I'd thought were helpful were actually harmful.

I like making lists, so here's a list of the aforementioned behaviours that feel good and/or helpful but aren't always:

• Avoiding situations, objects, places, etc. (as alluded to in another post I made)
• It feels good and safe, but it reinforces the thinking in your brain that you can't handle it, thereby making it harder to handle.
• Not being honest with others
• Telling people what they want to hear feels good, because you make them happy. However, if they find out, it can erode trust. 
• Looking to others to sort things out for you
• Thoughts of "It's too much to handle. I can't deal with this right now." again reinforce to your brain that you can't handle things, which makes things harder to handle.
• Not taking buses/taxis/cars/etc. where you feel enclosed and it's difficult to escape.
• "As long as I can get from point A to B, how I get there isn't the problem, right?" If you're actively avoiding something that would make your life easier, then you're making your life harder.
• Stopping attending religious services, night classes, or social events because it's just too much
• These are the things that make life feel more worthwhile to some. Removing them might feel safe, but it can devoid your life of meaning and fulfillment.

Some of these are ones I personally struggle with. Mostly the last three, though I have done the first two more than I'd care to admit. They are more readily recognizable as bad behaviours, at least to me.

I'm not saying you need to stop doing all of these right now.

That is a bad idea.

Pick one. Break it into manageable steps. If it's not manageable, break it down farther. Make goals. Work on it. (I'm basically telling you exactly what I was told.) When you're feeling better about that, then pick something else. Don't overwhelm yourself, but be ready to push through the feeling of not wanting to do things. Pushing is how you grow, like a weed in a sidewalk. It starts small, but with a persistent effort, it can make a healthy living for itself even in an inhospitable environment.

So can we.

Personal anecdote time! So, a little over three years ago, I was at work one day and I had the overwhelming urge pop into my head that when I got home I was going to cut myself. Not kill myself, just a small cut. It manifested itself deep inside my skull. I found myself scratching at my wrist until it was red and hot to the touch. My parents picked me up from work that day. I got a doctor's note for the next couple of days. It ended up being my last day at that job. (It was not a good job. My doctor, without saying I should quit (as she's not allowed to do so) did say it wouldn't be a bad idea.)

Since then, I've been very careful in handling knives. Some days I can handle them fine, other days I can't.

This developed into aichmophobia (eye-kmuh-phobia), a fear of knives. On particularly rough days, I wouldn't trust myself to enter a kitchen.

Three years later I'm mostly better, but still feel the occasional catch in my throat if I pick one up, and still occasionally catch myself scratching at my wrist under duress.

I'm at a point now where asking for help is no longer a good idea. In the beginning it was, because that was a major safety hazard. But now, the thought doesn't take over like it did. Now my job is to use a knife like any normal person would to remind myself that I can handle it.

If I can handle using a knife again, just think of what else I may be able to accomplish!



In the anecdote, you may have noticed a hint of avoidance.

• I quit my job
• I avoided knives entirely some days
• I looked to others (my doctor and my parents) to do things for me

The overall task was too big to face head-on, so I broke it down.

Avoidance is okay as a means to an end. It stops being okay when it becomes the end. If you overwhelm yourself by taking too big of a step, you can make the problem worse, just like you can with avoidance. As in the rest of life, everything in moderation. Except chocolate. All of the chocolate.