Dealing With Anxiety : An Outsider's Guide

Note: People are all different. This guide is compiled of experiences of myself and other people that I know with anxiety. To ensure maximum helpfulness, I recommend talking to the people you know with anxiety. This is meant only as a starting point.

• Anxiety is irrational. Saying things like "there's nothing to be worried about" may sound reassuring, but it can instead sound belittling. I know for myself, even in the middle of a panic attack, I'm usually well aware that I'm perfectly safe and nothing is, in fact, going catastrophically wrong. Now I also feel like I'm wasting your time talking about it, which adds guilt.
  
• Emotions are fully experienced, whether by a logical cause or not. As such, validating someone's emotions ("that sounds difficult/stressful") can help the person feel less out of control, which can, in turn, help them to regain control.
  
• Crowding doesn't help. If I can't breathe, having twenty people gather around me and ask if I'm alright will make it worse, not better. Offering to help is good, but keep a safe distance, especially if you don't actually know the person. They're already feeling unsafe. Being approached by random people is not relaxing.
  
• Water. It's refreshing. It can interrupt breathing enough to pause hyperventilation (this is what I do every time, but I have no idea if it works for anyone else). Alternatively, a paper bag has been known to help with hyperventilating, but it's not universal. I hate having things approach my face, so rapidly inflating and deflating a bag will make my situation worse. Basically, ask if you can get the person something. If they have trouble responding, make suggestions so they can just nod or shake their head.
  
• If plans or habits need to change, make sure to take the time to explain. Anxiety disorders basically force our brains to go to worst-case-scenario mode every time. Unexplained changes in patterns can lead to "What did I do wrong?" very quickly.
  
• Some days our brains are amazing and smart and wonderful. Some days I can stare you straight in the face, giving you my undivided attention, and not catch a single word you say. It's super frustrating. Please understand that we're not trying to shirk responsibilities or anything, and we're trying our hardest. Today was just supposed to be slept through and the fact that we showed up to anything is impressive.
  
• We need some reassurance. I always assume I'm doing a sub-par job, unless I'm told otherwise. I can see every problem with my work, and every reason that you might not like it, and if you think it's a masterpiece but don't tell me ever, then I'm going to be constantly berating myself for not being able to do better.
  
• Constructive criticism is useful. If you give me ideas on how to improve what I'm doing, I usually appreciate it. If you just tell me that I didn't do things right but not how, then I'll do it worse the next time. But be careful with this one. Too much criticism, constructive or otherwise, and I'll just feel incompetent and do anything possible to get out of doing the thing.

Basically, most of this list boils down to one thing: Communicate. Communication is the key to any healthy relationship, and to being helpful without being overbearing. If in doubt, just ask. I'll appreciate that you want to help, and try to suggest reasonable options. But if you don't offer, I'll feel guilty asking.

Anybody reading this who has anxiety and has other suggestions, feel free to add them in the comments.