Just a Dream?

For as long as I can remember (and then some, or so my mother says) I've had difficulty differentiating dream experiences from awake experiences.

For the past few years, one of my most common dreams is that I'm getting back together with my ex.

Believe me when I say, this is a very unsettling combination. Now, the dreams have changed as time has gone on. It started out with him relenting and allowing me back into his life. Then there was a time when I had demands to be met, he said no, and we still got back together. There have been dreams in which his mother is trying to reach out to me. More recently, it's been that we got back together, but neither of us was really trying, so I called it off and went back to my current partner.

Regardless of the specifics, it tends to rattle me pretty well.

Last night I had a new dream:

• I felt overlooked, as I was supposed to learn something, tried to say I understood it, and was constantly cut off and told I was wrong without even getting a chance.
  
• I felt targeted as I was having a bad day, someone else knew this, and did something unpleasant anyways.
  
• I felt ignored as I watched an award ceremony happen to acknowledge things that I had also accomplished.
  
• I felt like I'd been suckerpunched when my ex was acknowledged in the ceremony, despite not even being part of the group.
  
• I felt guilty that I was focusing on what a rough time I was having and not congratulating others and being happy for them.

And then I woke up. I had just experienced the worst emotions of the past few years, and then I woke up.

How does one go about normal life upon waking up from that? And yet, it was just a dream. It wasn't even real.

But the experience was.

I experienced that dream. I experienced those emotions. I experienced the confusion upon waking up. (I even experienced looking for mushroom pizza flavoured m&m's, but that one's easier to get over.)

Mindfulness was the only option. Acknowledge the experience, and then acknowledge that it was a dream and real life isn't nearly so terrible. The emotions are valid, but can be let go.

Real life emotions are valid, but can be let go.

All emotions, as we feel them, are valid. All emotions, however deep, can be let go.