If there are two types of people, make all of the cake

In my experience, there are two types of people: those who understand mental health, and those that think they do.

Now, I hear some exceptions coming, so let’s get those out of the way, and then discuss the topic at hand.


People who will readily say they don’t understand mental health but are willing to try, are actually fairly understanding..

People who say “it’s all in your head” have an answer and stick to it regardless of how well it works, so they think they understand but don’t actually.

It has come to my attention that not everybody likes chocolate. I’m still not sure if I can handle it, but I’ve been told it’s a fact. Knowing that, if I’m asked to make a cake for a party, and I don’t know what everybody likes, am I more likely to:

• Make white cake, as the typically least offensive option
• Make chocolate cake, as the typically most popular option 
• Make something different, like apple cake, to show the world that I do know more than two kinds exist (also because more flavour than white cake but less than chocolate?) 
• Make multiple smaller cakes in different flavours (hah! They won’t be smaller. There will just be leftover cake. Oh no. What a shame.) 

As listed, there are reasons to choose each of the above options, so none of them is wrong. It’s also going to depend on what you have on hand. If you don’t have apples, making an apple cake may be difficult. If you don’t have chocolate, then why bother making a cake? Sorry. I’ll try to stop.

Personally, in the above scenario, I usually opt for multiple cakes, also trying to account for various food sensitivities like gluten, dairy, vegan, nuts, etc. If I don’t have that level of time or energy (or eggs!) then I’ll typically go for the apple (or lemon, etc.) option, and then be disappointed later that there’s no chocolate.

But why am I suddenly talking about cake?

Because it’s safe to prefer different types of cake. I joke about chocolate being the only right answer, but people know it’s a joke and don’t take offense.

People aren’t all the same. That’s why life isn’t boring and robotic. Well-known fact.

Why, then, do so many people expect mental health to have a one-size-fits-all cure?

• It’s all in your head.
• Try this prescription. 
• Try that type of therapy. 
• Stop burying your emotions. 
• Be creative and expressive. 
• Get high. 
• It worked for [me, my partner, my friend, etc.]

There are very few people qualified to give this sort of advice. Doctors, pharmacists, and people that are relied on when things get rough. I call them supports.

Support (n) : a person that is trusted implicitly, with even the darkest of secrets, and does not judge, or use the information against you. They push as needed, but let you do the work of getting out of the rut, knowing that, without the right muscles, if you’re picked up you’ll just fall right back down. They encourage you to build the right muscles so you can someday stand on your own.

So why do I get random strangers telling me what I need to do? They don’t know what I’ve tried or how it’s worked.

If you want to suggest something, because you saw the positive difference it made and want to be helpful, then by all means, politely offer your idea and then drop the topic. If you’re fed up with people not fixing themselves and preferring to be broken, maybe you don’t understand the problem.

I hate white cake. I would almost rather have no cake. There’s no flavour to it, aside from a vague sweetness. I still make white cake, when asked, because I understand that my taste buds don’t belong to everybody.

If you truly understand mental health, then you’re going to find yourself making a lot of cakes.