How to Get the Most Out of Counselling

I've been seeing counselors off and on for about a decade. If you pay attention to what's going on, it's difficult to do something for so long without learning how to do it better or worse. As it tends to be an exhausting journey to start, here I shall write some tips and things that I've learned, in the hopes of making it easier for someone else.

The best piece of advice I was ever given is this: don't settle. You're talking about your brain and your feelings and things. There are people in this world who will understand what you say and what you mean, and people who won't, and a whole spectrum in between.

For my first counselor, I wanted someone who was Christian, so they would understand that priority set and values. We went to a place with whom my parents had insurance coverage. I got someone who used to be Christian. I went in because I was feeling like I should break up with my boyfriend but didn't know why. She said go for it; you're starting college soon and breakups usually go hand-in-hand with such major changes. She also said there's a divine light in all of us, the phrasing of which made my sheltered Christian brain deeply uncomfortable.

My second counselor worked in my doctor's office and was also free to me. This is the one my doctor recommended when I was married but couldn't have sex. We worked on body positivity, which was good. I'd needed that for a long time. Unfortunately, it wasn't the underlying issue. Also, any exercises that she suggested were turned down by my now-ex.

My third was less official. My physiotherapist and I would talk about all sorts of things. She was Christian, so understood that perspective, and she saw a lot of women who had trouble with sex (she also saw people for other things in similar areas). She had a lot of expertise in this area, and was able to reassure me and comfort me in a way the others hadn't. It got to the point that my physio appointments, lying half naked on a hospital bed, were a highlight of my week. She's the one who passed along this piece of advice: If you're shopping for shoes, do you take a pair off the shelf, make sure they fit, and leave? Or, do you try a bunch of pairs and then make a decision based on comparison and best fit? Why, then, would you do any differently with a healthcare professional? Find someone who can relate to you and who you can relate to. Someone with whom communication is neither a barrier nor a burden, but natural.

Now, I look forward to every counselling appointment. Because I found someone who understands me and doesn't try to shove me into a box. After all, as my parents' old coworkers said, my sister thinks outside the box, but I've never seen the box.